
Monday 5 December 2022
Oh, poppycock! Who wrote this rubbish?

Saturday 3 December 2022
Mis-sold by the marketers

It starts when Queenie's boyfriend of three years, Tom, has just told her he wants a break. She interprets this to mean and then we'll get back together. However what he really means is that he wants to break up permanently.
Friday 2 December 2022
I'm rich. Who the hell wants to be happy?

Drinking and drunkenness pervade the book. Right at the beginning, Philip Marlowe meets Terry Lennox when the latter is "drunk in a Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith." Lennox is an ex-soldier, the unhappy husband of a wealthy wife; "I’m rich. Who the hell wants to be happy?".
Sunday 20 November 2022
A load of old nonsense

There can't be many who don't know the story. Disney's 1951 movie Alice in Wonderland introduced it to a wide audience, but I've never seen that either. If you're as ignorant as me then, here's a brief outline.
Saturday 19 November 2022
Waiting, interminably waiting, and then...

Fortunately the edition I have contains an introduction written by Tim Parks, but you could also check out the Wikipedia page before you buy. Buzzati originally titled it The Fortress, which is a better title. Most of us can visualise a fortress in reality as well as metaphorically, whereas The Tartar Steppe invokes a sauce I like to eat with fried fish. When the introduction tells you, "for an Italian, the northern mountains are the locus par excellence of military glory" it gives the title some meaning.
Tuesday 8 November 2022
General Elektriks, merci infiniment!
In 2004 I went over to Cimiez Gardens, City of Nice, to the Festival de Jazz. You can't do that now, it's not held there anymore. But that night I heard a band that for me redefined the word funk. I remember being knocked out by their energy, their stamina and their tidy clothes. That band was France's now legendary General Elektriks. 18 years and 5 albums later General Elektriks is still going strong. So when I heard that the Elektriks was promoting a new album called Party Like A Human and was planning to perform in Monaco, well, needless to say I jumped at the chance to write the blog post that you're about to read. I wanted to capture the sights and sounds of a November Sunday night. (1)
Friday 4 November 2022
Developing your sixth sense

Gooley explains what he's going to do in his Introduction: "I will show you how to sense direction from stars and plants, forecast weather from woodland sounds, and predict the next action of an animal from its body language–instantly."
Tuesday 1 November 2022
Celebrate good times, come on!
Did you ever dream of being in a pop group? I certainly did. I was young and starry-eyed and I played bass guitar in a band called The Young Mark Twains. The practice sessions and politics are best forgotten, but being on stage... Wow! That was amazing.
The experience of performing music to an audience is what's behind Monaco On Stage, which opened on 15 October in the Salle d'Exposition du Quai Antoine 1er. It's not strictly an exhibition, more an immersive experience, a bit like a side show to the fun fair. Let me give you a tour.
The experience of performing music to an audience is what's behind Monaco On Stage, which opened on 15 October in the Salle d'Exposition du Quai Antoine 1er. It's not strictly an exhibition, more an immersive experience, a bit like a side show to the fun fair. Let me give you a tour.
Monday 31 October 2022
Cabbie's Halloween
When I was a kid in the UK we didn't celebrate Halloween, but there was a time when I encountered the idea of vampires. I've no idea how, whether I saw something on the telly, or in a comic. Whatever or wherever, for a while I used to keep a bible under my pillow and pull the bedsheets tight under my chin so my neck was completely protected.
Cabbie's Halloween
When I go to bed tonight
I'll pull the covers very tight
So vampires cannot bite my neck.
Thursday 27 October 2022
Abominable addiction

Wednesday 26 October 2022
A joke of the first water

One of the pleasures in reading Agatha Christie is that of getting reacquainted with old friends. In this case it's Hercule Poirot, the indomitable Belgian detective, installed "in one of the newest type of service flats in London" and exercising his "little grey cells" in investigating "only the cream of crime."
Tuesday 25 October 2022
Address to a Crisp Sandwich on its feast day

If you're new to this delicious treat I recommend you read The Guardian's How to eat: a crisp sandwich. It's very important to use the right type of bread (mass-produced white sliced toastie loaf) and spread (salted butter), as well as the correct style and flavour of crisp.
A few friends are coming round this evening for a traditional Crisp Sandwich Supper and we'll all be wearing our Apparel of Laughs crisp sandwich t-shirts. The butties will be solemnly piped in, piled on a silver platter. We invited the face of Walkers Crisps, Gary Lineker, to recite the Address to a Crisp Sandwich, but sadly he wasn't available.
Address to a Crisp Sandwich
Praise be to you, my childhood treat,
The best of butties, hard to beat.
Today's your day, today we meet
To celebrate.
Wednesday 19 October 2022
Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren't

Monday 10 October 2022
Not my idea of fun
Saturday 8 October 2022
A remarkable escape from slavery

Monday 3 October 2022
Jimmy's Angels
![]() |
Image: Sarah Jones, license CC BY-SA 2.0 |
It was Monday morning, March 1977. English, maths, double German. My favourite subjects. Not such a bad way to start the week.
Tuesday 27 September 2022
The Yachtsman's Ale
A little ditty I wrote to mark the return of the Monaco Yacht Show tomorrow. It's inspired by AA Milne's The King's Breakfast.
The Yachtsman told
the Captain, and
the Captain told
the Cabin-boy:
"Buy some ale and cheddar cheese
before we set to sea."
The Captain asked
the Cabin-boy,
the Cabin-boy
said, "Aye aye Skip.
I'll get it chop-chop from the shop,
that's just beyond the quay."
The Cabin-boy
he hurried off.
He went and asked
the Merchant,
"Are your shelves stocked up
with beer and cheese made in GB?"
The Merchant said
"Oh dear me no,
you're out of luck,
we're out of stock,
and since the Brexit vote
we're selling lager and French Brie."
The Cabin-boy
said, "Bollocks!" and
reported to
the Captain.
He cleared his throat, suggested,
"Skipper, wouldn't you agree,
that creamy cheese
and ice cold beer
would go down
much, much better
while we cruise from port to port
around the Mediterranean Sea?"
The Captain said
"Hmmm!" and he
went to see
the Yachtsman
"You know you wanted ale and cheese
before we set to sea?
I've heard it said
that soft french cheese
and continental
lager
would be easier on the stomach
while we're sailing to Capri."
The Yachtsman said,
"You what?" and then
the Yachtsman yelled
"Don't give me that!"
The Yachtsman swore, "You f*cker!
Now I'm going to count to three.
Cheddar cheese and
ale I say,
here, I say
and now, okay?
Or find another job and
get no ref-er-ence from me!"
The Captain said,
"Right ho, Sir!"
and went to tell
the Cabin-boy
who hurried to the shop
and went down on bended knee.
The Merchant winked
"I know a man
who knows a man
who might have ale
that costs two-hundred euros
and some cheese for that times three."
A wad of notes
changed hands.
Goods were packed
and dispatched pronto.
The Yachstman said, "At last!" and then
he rubbed his hands with glee.
"Nothing," he said
as he levered off the bottle top,
"Nothing," he said
as he cut himself a chunk of cheese,
"Nothing," he repeated
to no-one in particular,
"Beats cheddar cheese and British ale
when setting out to sea."
More stuff
Monday 26 September 2022
Vimto, Gonks, and Wayfinders. I remember them

Nostalgia suffuses Mean Time, especially the first poem in the collection, The Captain of the 1964 Top of the Form Team. It speaks directly to baby boomers, those who were at school in the 60s and 70s. The references tap on your heart with a hoppety beat; pop music, general knowledge, Vimto, Gonks, and Tuf Wayfinders shoes. What a great start to a great collection.
Friday 23 September 2022
Definitely, absolutely and without a doubt, 'my sort of book'

Thursday 22 September 2022
Massive prawns in Monaco?
It was Friday morning and I was texting an old friend in the UK I hadn't seen in ages.
"How's the expat life, Cabbie?"
"It's great, mon ami."
"Lots of massive prawns then, Cabbie?" (1)
And, it got me thinking. I can't remember the last time I had massive prawns in Monaco
"How's the expat life, Cabbie?"
"It's great, mon ami."
"Lots of massive prawns then, Cabbie?" (1)
And, it got me thinking. I can't remember the last time I had massive prawns in Monaco
Wednesday 21 September 2022
A historic record of xenophobia

The story concerns Charles Marlow, who relates his experiences in the African Congo, where imperialist traders sent "manufactured goods, rubbishy cottons, beads, and brass-wire... into the depths of darkness, and in return came a precious trickle of ivory". The depths of darkness relate not only to the unknown, unexplored lands beyond the sea shore, but also to the inhumanity that late 19th century traders expected to find there, as well as that of the traders themselves.
As Marlow journeys upriver he hears of a Mr Kurtz, a trader who is both respected and despised, and about whom he says, "All Europe contributed to the making of Kurtz". In order to reach this enigmatic man, Marlow suffers much misfortune, adventure and horror. For all the vivid descriptions of the journey, the most memorable scene takes place in England, near the end of the book, when Marlow visits Kurtz's fiancee.
Modern-day readers might find Conrad's language in relation to indigenous people shocking and problematic. The book plays on a stereotypical view of foreign cultures and races as primitive and barbaric, and while the author portrays white traders as savages too, they don't quite balance out. It stands as a historic record of the xenophobia that existed at the time of its writing.
The text is dense, and the language lush. Amazingly, Conrad was not a natural-born English speaker, and I dare say this is another reason his work continues to be read and analysed. TS Eliot was inspired by Heart of Darkness, and Francis Ford Coppola adapted it for his film Apocalypse Now. For myself, I was left with only my own thoughts and a few online critical reviews with which to compare them.
Thursday 8 September 2022
A book that starts with the ending

Monday 5 September 2022
The Prince and the Painter
I nearly missed this year's summer exhibition in Salle Antoine 1er, and you will too if you don't hurry. Le prince et le peintre - Albert 1er et Louis Tinayre, une amitié a la découverte du monde (1904-1922) has been on since mid-July and ends 11 September. It contains several items normally on show in the Oceanographic Museum, as well as loans from the Palace Archives and various institutions around France.
Entry is free in the afternoons from 13:00 to 19:00.
Entry is free in the afternoons from 13:00 to 19:00.
The artist
Louis Tinayre's life (1861-1942) was one of upheaval and adventure.Monday 22 August 2022
Christian Louboutin, L’Exhibition[niste], Chapitre II - Art or cobblers?
Make some time to see the Christian Louboutin exhibition before it closes on Sunday 28 August. I always find something interesting at the Grimaldi Forum summer shows, and this year is no different.
The official blurb calls it a "celebration of art through the wise and joyful eyes of contemporary designer Christian Louboutin". It's not just about the shoes then, plenty of which are on display. There are also examples of artworks that have inspired him, as well as collaborative projects with artists he admires.
The official blurb calls it a "celebration of art through the wise and joyful eyes of contemporary designer Christian Louboutin". It's not just about the shoes then, plenty of which are on display. There are also examples of artworks that have inspired him, as well as collaborative projects with artists he admires.
Wednesday 17 August 2022
Mad Kane's limerick challenge
I do enjoy reading humorous verse and rhymes and have been trying my hand at writing them too. Madeleine Begun Kane has a blog dedicated to limericks and she issues regular writing challenges. The most recent was for a ‘Random Word Generator’ limerick, and not being one to leave the gauntlet on the ground I've had a go. The instruction was to use at least two random words from: shop, run, news, warning, first.
When I was a kid I drank pop
That I bought from the local sweet shop.
Then home I would run
'Cos I thought it was fun
When the fizz popped the cap off the top.
More stuff
Saturday 13 August 2022
A senility rhyme for second childishness
On entering what Shakespeare describes as "second childishness", all sorts of little aches and pains begin to manifest themselves. It's easier to put on weight and harder to lose it. You don't sleep so well. Oh, yes, and although you can remember things from your childhood, you have no idea what you were doing yesterday.
So here's a silly senility rhyme for anyone having trouble remembering how to count:
So here's a silly senility rhyme for anyone having trouble remembering how to count:
One, two, Can't reach my shoe;
Three, four, My knees are sore;
Five, six, Mem'ry plays tricks;
Seven, eight, Putting on weight;
Nine, ten, Remember when?
Eleven, twelve, Projects shelved;
Thirteen, fourteen, Cutting down caffeine;
Fifteen, sixteen, When's my flu vaccine?
Seventeen, eighteen, Now I am unseen;
Nineteen, twenty, Must spend a penny.
More stuff
- Image source: Wikimedia Commons: Joachim Martin Falbe
- Nursery rhyme inspiration: Wikipedia: One, Two, Buckle My Shoe
Tuesday 26 July 2022
Nostalgic notes from a small island

The main thing to note is that Bill Bryson has not written a travel guide. Sure, it describes a journey around Britain, but the chapters are numbered rather than identified by a destination, and there's no index. It's a memoir, and the places he visits mostly recall episodes in his life. For instance his first encounter with England in Dover, or when he met his wife in Virginia Water, or his first real job in Britain at the Bournemouth Evening Echo and his work at The Times newspaper in 1980s London during the "Wapping dispute".
It is funny tho'. I laughed out loud several times, really laughed. For instance when he gets drunk in Liverpool and when he can't understand the Glaswegian accent. I was thrilled to find he enjoyed the old Coronation Street Tour as much as I did, and nodded in agreement with his description of the rail journey along the North Wales coast. The humour is terribly British and may not be understood by all, nor be to everyone's taste.
If the humour's not your thing, a large amount of pleasure can be had in recognising destinations. Bryson's purpose is not to persuade you to discover new places, and although some towns sound horrible (Milton Keynes), the people are generally welcoming. Although I read somewhere that someone is attempting to recreate the tour and visit as many of the hotels, restaurants and pubs mentioned in the book that still exist.
Some things haven't changed. People still say you're brave if you're "planning to travel around Britain by public transport", and that "everyone, but everyone, you talk to in Oxford thinks that it is one of the most beautiful cities in the world". Also that "a place as prosperous and decorous as Harrogate could inhabit the same zone of the country as Bradford or Bolton". I can't speak for Bradford, but it's certainly true about the once great Lancashire town, tho' you wouldn't think so if you'd seen Bolton's eponymous fee-paying school in Cold Feet, and the town centre's Le Mans Crescent in Peaky Blinders.
Things have changed a lot in the past 25 years and I'm not sure it still reflects Britain and the British. Bryson mentions his "greatest admiration for the A-Z" but who uses that anymore in the age of mobile phones and Google maps? On the underground I was recently disabused of the "orderly quiet; all these thousands of people passing on stairs and escalators", after being elbowed out of the way and told to f*ck off at London Bridge tube station. One thing Bryson would perhaps consider a change for the better tho' is that these days the BBC is no longer showing repeats of Cagney and Lacey.
More stuff
Wednesday 20 July 2022
Helmut Newton: Amazonian women and Wild West gunfighters exposed in Monaco
![]() |
Newton, Riviera Gallimard/NMNM 2022 |
What the pundits say
Newton's work has been labelled kinky, perverted, and misogynist, but a better description may be ambivalent. A large part of his output is not at all provocative, and pretty much everyone agrees that he's had a major influence on fashion photography.What Helmut said
If you know nothing about the man, go straight to the end of the exhibition and start with the film Helmut by June (1995) (3). Shot by his wife, aka Alice Springs, it runs on a loop and captures Newton at home and at work. Be aware it's 53 minutes but well worth it.The footage reveals his meticulous direction. Newton explains his use of the 'gunfighter stance' which stems from seeing "Gary Cooper as a gunfighter in High Noon. The outline of [the] body... the little waist, the big shoulders". Whatever the pose, it looks like hard work for his models, whether clothed or not, and it must have been an advantage to be strong, the type of Amazonian woman Newton says he admires.
In addition to the movie several of his famous quotes are printed on the walls of the exhibition. They reflect his opinions as well as his sense of humour:
Some people’s photography is an art. Mine is not. If they happen to be exhibited in a gallery or a museum, that's fine. But that’s not why I do them. I’m a gun for hire. (he's very keen to deny his work is art)
I also like to take landscape pictures but I don't get any commissions.
I love the sunshine. We don’t see it in Paris any more. (allegedly what he told the Monegasque official in charge of processing his residency paperwork)
What I think
At a superficial level I enjoy spotting Monaco landmarks in the photos, but what strikes me most is the sense of humour and playfulness. Just look at his portrait at the exhibition entrance in which he wears a pair of high-heeled, sling-backed sandals (Helmut in Pumps, Monaco, 1987).Irony features in the images too. Woman Examining Man, Calvin Klein, American Vogue, Saint-Tropez, 1975 shows a woman manspreading while ogling a man. French Vogue, Plage du Carlton Cannes, 1981 portrays a female flasher in a bathing costume, her victim staring unmoved into the distance.
A more startling image is Mummy in the Garage, Monte-Carlo, 2000, a woman totally covered with bandages apart from her breasts and her feet shod with six-inch stilettos. It's somewhat unnerving. If Newton had not been so vocal in rejecting his work as art I'd view it more dispassionately, with an eye for the detail, the care with which it's constructed. I wonder if it's really any different from something like Manet's Le Dejeuner sur l'Herbe, 1863 (2), or those pretty paintings of girls freeing birds from cages, which contemporary viewers considered erotic.
Two photos, Cigar Industry I and II, 1997, owned by a private collector, show women smoking cigars. I'm tempted to roll my eyes at the crude phallic imagery and resist the urge to snigger. Another voyeur might be turned on by it. What, then, if the model were a man relishing a big fat Toro?
By comparison Newton's portraits of the rich and famous look rather staid, like postcards a fan might purchase. Jude Law, Monaco, 2001 and Anthony Burgess, Monte-Carlo, 1985 are smoking. Bernardo Bertolucci, Cannes, 1996 clutches a curtain. Sylvester Stallone, Cap d'Antibes, Antibes, 1990 bizarrely wears a formal black dinner suit in the blazing sun.
![]() |
Chris Roelandt et Gaetan Morlotti |
I don't agree with American writer Susan Sontag who told Newton in 1979, "Je ressens que vos photographies sont très misogynes et pour moi ça c'est des traits déplaisant" (1). Neither do I agree with Newton himself when he says his work is not art. Some images do provoke unease, but they invariably portray a sense of strength rather than submission. It may be a cliche, but in the case of Helmut Newton's work it's also a truism that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. Go see the exhibition and decide for yourself.
More stuff
- YouTube - Apostrophes: Helmut Newton à propos de son travail, French discussion, 8 Jun 1979, incl. Susan Sonntag
- English translation of Sonntag's quote: "I feel that your photographs are very misogynist and for me these are unpleasant features"
- Wikipedia - Déjeuner sur l'Herbe
- YouTube - Helmut by June, in 5 parts:
- Helmut Newton Foundation
- Nouveau Musée National de Monaco
Thursday 30 June 2022
Junior Giscombe brings the groove to Monaco

Well, here's a tip for you, whether you're a millennial or a boomer or anything in between. Go and see Junior Giscombe, aka Junior of Mama Used to Say (1981) fame. Last weekend he was on stage for two nights only at Note Bleue,
Tuesday 7 June 2022
Not a woman who bears grudges?

The story is narrated by its protagonist, Susan Green, who in the first sentence of the book describes herself as "not a woman who bears grudges, broods over disagreements or questions other people’s motives", which implies that she most certainly will do all of those things in the following pages.
Monday 16 May 2022
What makes states: walls and writing

The author is an American political scientist and his book investigates the formation of the earliest states.
Thursday 12 May 2022
A fine book let down by poor digitisation

Sunday 8 May 2022
She was only Anne
Thursday 5 May 2022
"Lies, lies, adults forbid them and yet they tell so many."

The book begins with Giovanna Trada remembering an incident when she was 12 years old: "my father said to my mother that I was very ugly". He goes further, explaining, "Adolescence has nothing to do with it: she's getting the face of Vittoria" his sister, whom Giovanna has never met. Piqued by a further description that in her aunt "ugliness and spite were combined to perfection", the young girl contrives to meet this woman to whom she bears a resemblance. As a consequence Giovanna discovers the working-class roots of her academic father, and learns that what adults say is not necessarily true.
Friday 22 April 2022
The legacy of apartheid

The story is told by Frank, a middle-aged, listless doctor who "had swallowed a lot of frustration over the years" and works in a hospital where there are few, if any, patients. It's set in a Homeland region of South Africa, described by Galgut in the Author's Note as "impoverished and underdeveloped [...] set aside by the apartheid government for the 'self-determination' of its various black 'nations'".
Thursday 21 April 2022
Networking in Monaco
There are lots of businesses hoping to gain a foothold in Monaco, but making contacts can be difficult. Bradley Mitton's Club Vivanova is one of the organizations putting buyers and sellers in the same room. So...
Check out Vivanova's website for events in and around Monaco (and Berlin).
When business in Monaco's slow
There's a bloke that you should get to know.
Don't sit there and pout
Give Bradley a shout.
Your network will soon start to grow.
Check out Vivanova's website for events in and around Monaco (and Berlin).
Sunday 17 April 2022
Nice use of the subjunctive mood

So starts Raymond Chandler's second Marlowe novel, Farewell, My Lovely.
Friday 15 April 2022
A limerick about limericks
I've been writing verses recently, trying my hand at metre and rhyme. Apparently there are rather strict rules for the rhyming elements of limericks, and I'm still not sure I've got them right. Here's another attempt.
Limericks bring such delight
But they're really not easy to write.
I have a hard time
With the rules about rhyme,
And try as I might, mine are sh*te.
Limericks bring such delight
But they're really not easy to write.
I have a hard time
With the rules about rhyme,
And try as I might, mine are sh*te.
Thursday 14 April 2022
A limerick for Lola
I thought Barry Manilow's classic song, Cobacabana, could be briefly explained in a limerick.
A punter in Copacabana
Was aroused by a showgirl's fine cha-cha.
Her boyfriend saw red.
One man was shot dead.
The poor girl's now old, drunk and gaga.
More stuff
Song with lyrics on YouTube
Tuesday 29 March 2022
Ghosts of loss, death, injury and trauma
Wednesday 23 March 2022
A limerick for today
I logged on to Facebook this morning
To make a quick check on a posting.
I've sat and I've scrolled
For three hours, all told,
When I could have been limerick writing.
To make a quick check on a posting.
I've sat and I've scrolled
For three hours, all told,
When I could have been limerick writing.
Tuesday 22 March 2022
Marcel Marceau, miming artist
Source: Chariserin-Flickr Creative Commons |
Here are a few lines about him.
Marcel Marceau, miming artist,
Stripy shirt and whitened face.
He, the art of silence practised;
Pulled on inconspicuous ropes,
Leant on walls that went unnoticed,
Took large bites from fruit unseen,
Struggled in the face of tempests.
Famously, in Mel Brooks' Silent
Movie (nineteen-seventy-six)
Marceau speaks. He says quite clearly,
"Non!"
More stuff
Monday 21 March 2022
First day of spring
Friday 4 March 2022
This was not the face in the doorway

Monday 28 February 2022
A teenage boy with raging hormones

Thursday 24 February 2022
Antigone, Iphis, Electra and more

Friday 11 February 2022
Living through a period when politicians don’t merely lie

Other than a handful of students, that's been the limit of my personal knowledge of Russians.
Monday 7 February 2022
A cock that could drill a hole through stone?

The story is set in Italy, the Sicilian town of Catania to be precise, and concerns a sensitive young man named Antonio, reckoned by family, friends, and random women to be the epitome of an "Italian stallion". All is not as it seems tho'.
Monday 17 January 2022
Our pockets not picked in Paris
This is a true story. The events described took place in Paris in 2018 and are narrated by The Man. Sometimes he thinks he's in a Philip Marlowe novel.
It was about eleven o'clock in the morning, mid August, with the queues not moving and a look of resignation on the face of The Dame. I was wearing my navy-blue long shorts with leg pockets, white polo shirt, black sandals and no socks. I was cool, clean, bearded and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. I was everything the well-dressed traveler ought to be. I was crossing the City of Lights.
My lack of imagination?

Saturday 8 January 2022
Do I like this?

I did wonder if I'd get much out of the book, since the only reading I have in common with Winterson is Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway, Winterson's own books, and Shakespeare. But I didn't let it put me off, and neither should you. This is a book that oozes love of literature.
Thursday 6 January 2022
The worst of times

It's a book firmly set in its time, that of the UK post-Brexit. Lack of funds for community services have led to libraries being closed, the way the Brexit referendum was framed has led to thoughtless tribalism, and the idea of protecting the land from invasion by foreigners is rife.
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